Monday, April 27, 2015

Betrayal

I’m in great need of guidance. I have never blogged about my issues or even talked to anyone about this until now and that is because I just really don’t know how to deal with this. A little bit us -  My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. In 2008, my husband was Med Discharged from the Marines after serving almost 11 years and he was also diagnosed with PTSD.

We have been dealing with his PTSD issues for the past 8 years; there are more good days than bad. He really doesn’t talk to me about what goes on in his head and I don’t pressure him to do so. He does see his therapists every month which I hope it’s helping and he does not take any type of medication. He does have mood swings and they are a lot of things that make him  see red. During an argument he can be verbally abusive and says quite a lot of hurtful things. At the beginning it was tough on me but I think I have developed some type of coping mechanism. Now it does not really face me as much. 

We had a baby last April and when I was pregnant one day I happen to be check his text messages, I really don’t know what prompt me to do that but I did. There were text messages between him and this woman about “how attracted they are to each other and how they are meant to me” well to say the least I mentally lost it. There I was pregnant with his son and him doing that. The woman lives in another State and it was just a “platonic relationship” I confronted him and we were able to work things out. He said that his mind was not right and that the reality of becoming a father scared him because he did not if he was fit to be one that was his explanation.    To me it made no sense, it was not a logical explanation and quite a messed up way of dealing with life. Eventually, we were able to work things out and things had been going pretty good.

With the baby now part of the equation, I think mothers like to be on top of things and sometimes we just want it done our way. Not because it’s the only way but because it’s the way we like it done. Well, my husband feels like I under mind him and that I make him feel incompetent.  ***I’m working on that***  He is a fantastic father and wants to spend as much time as possible with his son, which I love very much. 

Now with that being said on March 26, I went home early because daddy had to pick him the baby up from day care because he was not feeling well and he had to get really to go to work. While he was in the shower, my intuition told me to check his Facebook messenger and here we are again. He had reached out to this same woman again and there were exchanging photos (nothing explicit) and saying  how attracted they are to each other and all these ridiculous stuff. I tried to gain my composure and just breath because I really thought I was about to have a panic attack. When he got out of the shower I guess he had the feeling something was up. At first, I said everything was fine but he pushed again so I confronted him. His answer was that “his mind is not right and he was bored and he also wanted to see if he feels the same for me and that he likes to get into people’s head to see how far he can go” WHAT??? How messed up is that?? How can he risk everything for nothing? 

I don’t trust him. I don’t know why he would do that again. I don’t get that thrill seeking type of activity. He said there is nothing going on but then why do it. I know his mind is not right and I feel numb, then angry, then I cry a little then I have no choice but to put on a happy face so no one knows what we are going through because not everybody understand what is like to live with someone whose mind is not 100% there. I really need some advice -  because I do not know if I can do this again.

Submitted By: Marine Wife

3 comments:

  1. Hey, can you e-mail me, jmfreund@utica.edu- I am in a very similar situation as you!

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  2. Can both of you email me? I am also in similar situation!!! And it sucks! ssthree3@gmail.com

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  3. I am going through this again as well. Except this time he told the girl he loved her and refuses to remove her from facebook. I am beside myself right now and don't know how much more of this stuff I can take.

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