I write a piece of my husband’s story with a heavy
heart. It isn't an easy one to tell
because behind the many statistics, behind the words put to paper, are actual
beings I love with hearts and futures heavily impacted by the war in Iraq, and
the care received afterwards.
My husband served two tours in Iraq in 03/04 as a United
States Marine; he came home a different man than he previously was - one not
knowing how to exist in this civilian world, not understanding how to endure
the mental anguish, the nightmares, the strangers. Even things we take for granted, like the
ability to have a gainful relationship with a spouse, child, even a friend, or
gain pride from a job well done, became beyond his ability. He was…is, broken. He is now seven years out of the military and
only getting worse. How can this be?
My husband initially went to the VA in 2007 seeking help
with an open mind. He told some parts of
his story, he sought help, and he did exactly what large amounts of marketing
money are asking veterans to do today.
What happened is this: he wasn’t treated consistently human, he wasn’t
treated with consistency at all. He was
given medication, a lot of medication.
He saw provider after provider, explaining his story over and over, and
over again. He went to another state to
seek in-patient treatment; he had to start his story all over again with new
providers. He was given more
medication. As time went by, providers
came and went. Every new provider asked
his story, offered more medication. Then
they left. He became bitter at sharing
what little of his story he had decided to share in the first place; he
eventually felt like no one cared and he shut down. He is still shut down. He is getting worse every day and is bitter
about asking for help. It wasn’t until
our story reached a desk in DC that my husband started to receive some
consistency in providers, and in care.
Unfortunately, I worry that it is too late. He has no trust, yet still has serious demons
that haunt him and continually change who he is, who we are as a family.
My hope for the VA is that every veteran can receive
consistency in their care; that no spouse has to write a letter pleading for
their husband to get help before their VA takes them seriously. My hope is that the VA can realize that with
each veteran that feels the way my husband does, a new veteran is asking for an
opinion about the VA; this is how wide spread stigmas are created. My hope is
that the VA, as a whole, can break down the numbers, see through the
statistics, and see each veteran as an individual. My hope is that the VA can utilize the family
unit as a valuable source of healing; it is the family unit that has the
in-depth knowledge of the veterans past, present, their hopes, dreams, and how
to facilitate their needs. The VA ‘hit
the nail on the head’ with creating the Post 9/11 Caregiver Program - this
program does exactly what was aforementioned: utilizes a close family member
for the veterans care, gathers perspective, and forms an action plan as a team. Although the program has many wrinkles to
iron out, this well-rounded approach is a positive start to a difficult
situation. Now if only other divisions
of the VA could take note.
To learn more about the State of Heroes and Families
project, please visit our main site or visit any of the following direct
project links -
Why This Started:
www.familyofavet.com/state_of_veterans_families-why.html
The Statistics:
www.familyofavet.com/state_of_veterans_families-statistics.html
Our Stories:
www.familyofavet.com/state_of_veterans_families-stories.html
What We Hope For: www.familyofavet.com/state_of_veterans_families-hopes.html
FAQ About the Project: www.familyofavet.com/state_of_veterans_families-faq.html
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