Saturday, December 1, 2012
The Love Letter Campaign ~ Still So in Love With Him
I made the biggest mistake of my life the day I broke up with him.
Back then I didn't know how serious it was to become, I had almost no knowledge about what PTSD was at all. I just figured oh okay, he is handling everything well, I have to respect his wishes. I just didn't wanna fight with him, and it was all so new to me, so I just left it alone. And then the attitude he would get would just surprise me because he was never like that with me in all the time we were together, and then the bad attitude would rub off on me. And that would eventually lead to that fight that ended our relationship.
Thinking back now, I wish I had known why he was acting the way he was, it could have saved our relationship, and all this heartache.
I thought I had started seeing the signs of the PTSD, well the little I knew about it, and I told him to go get help, but he insisted and insisted that he didn't need it. And more and more things just weren't the same anymore. We had the perfect relationship once upon a time, never fought, we had nothing to fight about. And then this came full force. It completely blind sided me, so I can't even imagine what it did to him. Because now he wants nothing to do with me.
Here was this man that i felt the most safe with, the person i loved more than I loved myself. The person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. It was always us, and now he is so angry with me because I made him worse. How could I do that? Why then couldn't I handle it, and now I think I can? Why do I wake every single day and feel guilty?! I love him still. I always will. I need to be with him, I want to be with him. But he says no no no, over and over. And I do not know how to let go still.
Submitted By: Hope
This blog post is part of The Love Letter Campaign... a project started by FamilyOfaVet.com to encourage those who love a hero to write a letter sharing their story (where they started, what they've faced together, and why their love endures). It's not just for spouses, but also for parents, siblings, caregivers, and friends. It's about telling the "rest" of our stories... stories that continue despite PTSD, TBI, and the challenges of life after combat. To share your love letter or find out more about the campaign, visit http://www.familyofavet.com/love_letters.html.