Monday, March 12, 2012

Monday Momism: We are Not Alone

Hi. Are you sitting there, looking through the internet, feeling alone and isolated because of a situation beyond your control? A situation looked on by others as no big deal, the deed is done, get over it? If so, look no further. You have come to a place where your feelings, your experiences, your pain is understood. If you had a loved one serve in a war zone, you do have a place where people understand. You do have a family beyond your physical one. You have us.

It honestly does not matter if you are a spouse, a sibling, a child, a parent or even a friend. Here at Family of a Vet, we understand those moments when you miss how it used to be, when you have your own moment of survivor's guilt because thankfully, your loved one came home but he or she came home so different. We understand that PTSD and brain injuries are just as real and just as painful as losing an arm or a leg, just in a different way.

Many times I have been told how wonderful it is that I want to help our veterans. Many times I have made the statement that if I could turn back time, if I could keep my son from going to war, I would have. I didn't. I couldn't. But I can take our experience and use it to help not only my family but those who are also going through it. You, your family, your veteran.

There are times when I am angry, really angry, at what going to war has done to my family. But I am taking that anger and I am turning it into an educational process, an aid to help others who are dealing with the same fears and anger that I am.

I am proud of my son just as I am my other two children. My son's service deserves to be saluted and recognized just as every warrior's does. He was willing to fight for his country, his homeland, his family. So were hundreds of thousands of others. Some didn't come home and my heart truly breaks for those families. Some came home seemingly shrugging it off and saying it was no big deal. Those are the ones I look at skeptically. Perhaps it just hasn't hit them yet. Some, like my son, came home with physical problems that now cause headaches,
epilepsy,memory loss and pain. There is a comrade with him 24/7 called PTSD. It causes nightmares, pacing, trust issues, flashbacks.

It also causes roller coaster days and nights. One day he seems fine. Yet in a matter of minutes, it can turn around. You know what I'm talking about, right? That's what brought you here. We found out the hard way that the phrase that pays tribute to our veterans about being willing to write a blank check up to and including their lives is more than a phrase. It is a very real fact of life and those lucky enough to come home? They and their families seem destined to pay “overdraft fees” for the rest of their lives.

Let's help each other. You are not alone. I am not alone. Our loved ones are not alone. Let's support each other and them by taking that first step. Reaching out to each other. Reaching out FOR each other. If you need someone to talk to and you want to help others know that they are not alone, contact us. We are a family. All of us.

2 comments:

  1. How do I get help for my husband who doesn't want help and is not willing to admit there is a problem. In his mind I am the problem.

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    1. From what I understand, this is certainly a common barrier amongst our Veterans. I experience the same thing with my husband, and it is very painful being scapegoated. Please get support for yourself from people who are familiar with combat PTSD. One resource that I recently accessed is Coaching into Care telephone support. It is a free service for Veterans families who experience this exact problem - 1-888-823-7458. Here is a link: http://www.militaryfamily.org/publications/enewsletters/military-family-topics/va-offers-new-coaching-into.html. Best wishes.

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