Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The Love Letter Campaign: To My Lovely Wife

My dear wife,

Four years ago we started dating and you've been with me through so much through hell or at worst time you thought about giving up on me. Sometimes I thought you should because of the pain I put you through the hell I've caused these these years yet you stuck with me and made me get help  not only for me, but for you too. Being diagnosed  with a lot of different things...TBI, PTSD,  bi-polar... things that make life hard to live with me most of the time. There so many times I wanted to leave because it was hard to live with myself, but also to live with someone else. You had two great boys  from another marriage and in time they because mine. I grew to love those kids and they started calling me dad. That was  the greatest feeling in the world to hear two kids call me dad. We lived together  for a while, until your mom got sick so we took care of her until her death 

December of 2010 we where married.  It was the happiest day in my life, even through all the problems we had and the suffering I caused; we where married so we bought our house and started living our lives together  until my problems caught up with me again. The problems had me going to the hospital for the holidays for suicide attempts because it was hard to live with memory's. In my head  more and more hell come out in the allegations of abuse were brought against me and life seemed to fall more and more and more into hell.  I seemed to be falling.

After finally coming clean and telling you a lot of things that I held on to and refused to tell anyone for the shame I felt  the addiction to porn the lying  not telling you the truth there so many things. As I write you this letter I wish I could take them all back, but can't. I see now the hurt I caused and see now there is only one way to go and that's with you I see that with you beside me this is a gift God has giving me. When the Blake Shelton song came out "God Gave Me You" and listening to those lyrics I knew that he was telling me something through the song  that you where there to help me reach peace in my life and that it was time to let go the bad and move on from the bad. It hit me that the best was  forward. I can't take back the hurt or the pain I caused, the only thing I can do is  love you for the rest of my life and one day sit on the front porch and rock the world away as you hair turns gray and white and then to watch our kids grow up and become dads and have kids to spoil. That is the dream I want to live. I pray the bad is behind me. I pray that  I can continue to get help from VA and other places this is my letter to you my wife my love my best friend

Love
Michael


This blog post is part of The Love Letter Campaign... a project started by FamilyOfaVet.com to encourage those who love a hero to write a letter sharing their story (where they started, what they've faced together, and why their love endures). It's not just for spouses, but also for parents, siblings, caregivers, and friends. It's about telling the "rest" of our stories... stories that continue despite PTSD, TBI, and the challenges of life after combat. To share your love letter or find out more about the campaign, visithttp://www.familyofavet.com/love_letters.html.

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