Home. We made it home. Safely tucked in the warmth and familiarity that only your refuge can hold. Usually we get home and its such a huge transition (from chaos and anxiety, to calm and familiar surroundings) that everyone is growling and snapping and gnashing and biting at eachother. Coming home often times can prove more stressful than the trip itself.
Not this time. We got home, so happy, so at peace, and so READY for coming home. Excited. Eager. We are ready to try again.
Dr. Lipov gave us a mulligan....we get a do-over. We get to try this life all over again. The injection used to treat PTSD in my husband (the stellate ganglion block) is still working. We are now almost 36 hours post injection. Know this; my husband is calm, easygoing, and back. He is the James I met and married. He is the James that I used to trust with my life, with my soul. The James who I knew would lay down his life for me without a second thought.
I thought I lost you......
The truth is, he had been here the whole time.... fighting just as hard to stay IN this world as I was fighting to drive these demons OUT of this world. It feels like we won. Have you ever won something huge? It feels like that. Though its so hard to place words to these feelings, I can tell you I feel like I won something big.... The lotto? A car? A Cruise? Our life back.
If you don't have a loved one who has ptsd what I'm saying may not make sense to you. You might think I'm a little dramatic. You might think I'm excessive. But what if your husband was dying from cancer and withering away before your very eyes. And there wasn't a goddamned thing you could do. What if things begin to feel so bleak and desperate, you contemplate your choices....leaving, or a mercy killing (so to speak), either way, someone is going to be hurt beyond repair.
But I know if you are reading this, you believe in something that you can't feel, you believe in hope. You believe in showing your vet the same loyalty he or she showed this country. How could possibly justify walking away?
We were given hope. I told Kevin, the office guru for Dr. Lipov, that the last 6 years was not in vain. This brief time we are experiencing relief means so much to us, that it is worth it. If the shot is no longer working, we won't despair anymore. We will surely be frustrated, and sad, but we will not give up. Because we have seen the light. We have been shown that there is more to treating PTSD than just "in the box" thinking....You have to look outside the box.
I will keep you updated. I will keep you informed. I will be honest. And we will tell you if the shot stops working. Is PTSD gone? I don't know. Is it going to come back? I don't know. Will this work for even one more day? I hope so. So far this is very promising, and I pray and hope and implore the powers that be (aka our dear VA) takes this experience, and uses it to look at, to open their eyes, to see something other than what they are able to provide now. Everything is hanging in the balance.
For a long time, my husband and I hung in the balance. We are no longer hanging there anymore. We feel like our feet our planted firmly back into the ground, and we have been blessed by Dr. Lipov and his staff.
Until the next post, you may contact me and my husband James at Kateri@familyofavet.com
Please remember that these are my views, and may not represent the full opinion of staff from Familyofavet.com
This is my opinion of MY life, of my husband, of OUR experience. If you chose
to have the shot for PTSD as well, you may not have the same results as us, and
Family of a Vet, INC, myself, my husband, my employers, Dr. Lipov, or Chicago
Medical Innovations cannot be held responsible for results that differ from