Friday, January 20, 2012

Stellate Ganglion Block, it keeps going...and going....

Stellate Ganglion keeps going....and going....and going.....

Good morning/evening, depending on where you are located.

I just home from work/gym. My work out buddy, aka Puffy, was not at work tonight, so I had to go it alone. I did tell a few coworkers about the success of the shot for PTSD. I saw the look of disbelief on their faces....and I had to laugh.

I hardly believe myself, so I get it.

But, I called home tonight, once before bedtime, and once post bedtime. My husband said he did well with the three little monsters. He said, "I didn't even raise my voice once, and Simon was not following directions." Hmmmm. Interesting. Of course, I'll have to verify that with my children in the morning.

My little guy said, after Daddy returned from work, "Daddy! Is your brain injury all gone?!" He bounced around his fathers feet, looking up at him with hopeful eyes, and James said, "Well I don't know...I think so buddy". And my sweet sweet boy said, "So does that mean you won't be mean anymore?!" And he bounded off, keeping his level of excitement to a dull roar so as not to upset the sleeping giant (aka ptsd).

Out of the mouths of the babes, huh? I had to laugh. Well, its true. Maybe it means he won't be so vicious anymore. Maybe it means he will have enough of a reprieve from beastie boy PTSD that he can reprogramme himself into a calmer, more gentle and affectionate father.

Its true. Ptsd did create "space issues". I have them too. Its not that we are not an affectionate brood of people, its just that with his PSTD, there is no classic rough and tumble play a whole lot here. In fact, it doesn't even really exist at all.

Fortunately, I have 3 brothers, and my children can rough and tumble and be boys with them.

But, living in a house where children are to be quiet, to be still, and you must pretty much announce or make sure you are coming at my husband straight on, does create an akwardness. I wonder if we seem akward to those looking in. People always comment on my children, how well behaved they are, how respectful and quiet and self sufficient they are. This is beyond normal. It truly is. My children have to be that way. If not, then they trigger my husbands PTSD. I suspect they will always be this way now. Maybe there is hope for the little guy, who has not yet been completely programmed.

Anyways, just a quick update that yes, things are going well, and I came home to dishes in the dishwasher, supper put away (even though I still had to cook it) and the dryer running. That is a good sign. My husband is generally the helpful type, its just that he often gets so overwhelmed by clutter, so overwhelmed by children, that he is almost moved to inaction. Its hard to explain. But he does have a real hard time putting things in order, and making plans. He never used to be that way, but things seem to be naturally falling into place.

But here I sit, frightened. I wait quietly watching. Looking for signs. I am waiting for the other combat boot to drop.

Is this all going to all come crashing down around me? And how am I going to handle it? I can tell you I have already started planning. I still have a stash of things at my mothers house so if there is an emergency, the kids and I have a safety zone. Please refer to our website for creating your own safety plan, if you have not made one yet, I promise you it is the best thing you can do for yourself....

I also have a list of phone numbers in various places in case I need to exit quickly. If the beastie boy comes back, we will need to leave quickly, quietly. Dr. Lipov's number is in that list....not like he can do much....but hey, its worth having his number for sure.

I still am suffering from secondary that is obvious. I still have plans and rules and moves all set out before me incase it comes back. And I am starting to realize its time to get serious. It likely will come back, and I need to be alert. I need to prepare myself and not let myself become delusional. Better safe than sorry.

With time I will fully relax. I still am monitoring all of his things, I hope that this will lesson with time. I don't want him to become overwhelmed too quickly. He has to build himself up for a while.

I have been so touched by the emails I have been getting and I have been in contact with Dr. Lipov's office. I am moved by the things I am reading. Your pain is the exact reason why I am doing this, because I know that pain. I still have that pain. I don't know if that pain will go away, but it is quieting down inside of me for now.

For more information, or to share your story, which I promise you, I WANT to hear, email me personally at

Goodnight :)

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