Tuesday, January 24, 2012

And then there was one.....


And then there was one..... PTSD INJECTION: 7 days later....

And then there was one.....

Picture yourself dangerously close to a storm. A tornado is coming. Every fiber of your body is buzzing, in tune with nature the way its Creator had intended.

Fight or Flight....

Its coming. The once warm day has dropped at least 10 degrees within minutes, and goose bumps raise tiny red flags that alert you to move. You stand outside despite the threat. Amazed by the beauty, the force, its seducing you to stay. The wind moves your hair and brings with it a moist kiss from the impending rain....

Yet you stay.

The wind moves around your body harder, and you shiver from the depths of your soul. The atmosphere is angry shades of purple, then green. The pressure changes, everything inside of you is telling you to run....

Yet you stay.

Boom.....
Flash......

The moment you knew was coming pours on you, the storm is on top of you. You can run, but you won't get far. You can move, but the lighting will follow. And the deafening rumble of the tornado is right in front of you.....

SILENT AND UNMOVING....AM I STILL ALIVE??

Oh God, what is happening? I feel so small and alone and scared I am SCARED I am SCARED.

***************************************************

That is how I feel right now. The injection for PTSD my husband received on January 17th, 2012, still seems to be working. This is an adjustment. We are both scared. He says, "I don't want to ever be that way again, I'm so sorry" and its true, I don't want him to ever feel that way again either. I see my husband starting to enjoy himself, being calm, and he pulls back away from me.... afraid that this is truly too good to be true. "F" YOU!!!! HOW MUCH MORE CAN YOU TAKE FROM US!!! I HATE YOU PTSD. I thought we would have this opportunity to start over, it would be quick, like a reset button on an electronic.... We have been reset, but we are slow to reboot.

This ambiguous and unmapped territory. I hate the fact that I have lived such a sheltered life. No losses to speak of, no trauma unheard of, I have my health and my children..... I have been ill prepared for this life. I have. I am 31 and have had a very good life with many blessings and few curses and heartache I couldn't fix. This shouldn't be so difficult, this should be happy and celebratory, but instead it is tender and raw and slow.

Tender and raw and painfully slow.

But so much good has come from all of this. A child has started to reconnect with his father, A man is feeling loving feelings toward his children and wife, A soldier has found relief from war related illness and injury, A wife can curl up to her husband at night, and fall asleep to sweetly dream of what the future will hold.....because now of course, there is a future.

But we went from raging and violent storms to the eerie quiet that reminds me of a hot and humid summer day in Minnesota....the kind where the clouds roll in and offer a brief reprieve from the heat....but cold sneaks in to spoil your rest, and it storms, the great and loud humid summer storms, where you can smell the rain long before she lets go.

I feel like I have lost my place. I knew where the storm was. Before the injection I could count the seconds between claps of thunder and flashes of lightening to calculate the precise moment of impact.

I hear no thunder....
I see no lighting....

I am unable to predict, to protect, to move my world to the safety under the stairs.... I am navigating blind.

I suppose this is where Faith comes in....
*Written by Kateri Peterson, wife of James, and fighter of PTSD.  This is an intimate look into the very real feelings experienced by a wife of an OIF combat veteran who has battled PTSD since 2004.  The fight is not over, yet I feel overwhelmed with gratitude, that we were given a very powerful tool worthy of this battle.  On January 17th, 2012, James received the Stellate Ganglion Block, a new and innovative way currently being researched by Dr. Eugene Lipov and his incredibly competent and compassionate staff at Advanced Pain Centers, Hoffman Estates, IL.  If you or someone you love is suffering from war related illnesses and injuries, it is important to explore all your options, and make an informed decision.  You are own best advocate.  For more information on how the Stellate Ganglion Block is effective in some cases of PTSD, and in my own husbands case, his unexplainable, uncureable foot rash, contact Dr. Lipov and his staff at Advancedpaincenters.com or call 1-847-608-6620.
*The results we are experiencing are not unheard of.  However, more information is needed and more studies need to be done.  If you feel you would like more information on his study happening NOW, call today. 
*Be advised that any information, idea, or implied ideas, are not neccessarily the ideas and opinions of Family of Vet, INC, or of Advanced Pain Centers, Chicago Medical Innovations, or Dr. Lipov himself. 
*Be advised that it is imperative to your health and wellbeing that all members of your current care team WANT to know if you are exploring alternative methods to PTSD treatment, and given your past medical history, only your provider and Dr. Lipov will be able to safely guide you to informed choices.  Everyone involved in your care, be it VA, or Private Doctors, and your family members, WANT you to not only survive this life with PTSD, but THRIVE! 
*Just like with anything, every BODY reacts differently to everything.  If your results are not the same, I cannot be held responsible. 

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