Saturday, August 14, 2010

How Dan and I are Surviving Vietnam and PTSD (Part 2)

Thanks, Barbara, for this follow up!

Now that all of the horrible things that happened between Dan and I are out in the open I would like continue our story. I had to get through telling the outside world the things I have kept my secret so many years before I could continue and let you know that no matter how tough it got, there is a good man in there. Dan never let us go without any thing, we are not rich by far. When times were good and he could cope with life he was and is the best man I know. I don't want you to think that all of our life was extreme, it was not and is not. For the most part we are happy. I just want you to be able to spot the things you should be looking for when your spouse is going in the wrong direction and is in danger of hurting himself or you. The quietness was the hardest part to put up with, he would not talk and as I said before drank, drank, drank. Self medication you know, if he couldn't deal with it then he thought he would bury it by becoming numb.

Depression and guilt came raging to the top. The night sweats and the nightmares become so frequent there is no rest for either of you. Dan shut out his friends and family, all of us. He wanted to do nothing that would involve him being plesent.

Please remove all guns from your house. I know you think, well that makes sense when they suicidal, yes it does but until you find him with one you think,or at least I didn't think he would ever go through with any threat. If your loved one says he has no reason to live, or he is just tired LISTEN, it's a call for help. I found Dan in the garage with the motor runing one afternoon the garage door was down, not a good sign. Watch and listen no matter how small you think it sounds if any thing makes you wonder, it is more them likely a signal of needing help.

My daughter said the Christmas was one of the times she hated to come. Not because there were few gifts, but because she knew that we would have a major fight. Just one of the ways we hurt our children and didn't at the time know it. We thought they never knew we fought. There comes part of the guilt. Dan was home, supposed to be enjoying his family and could not get out of his mind the men that did not make it home - including one of his best friends from our home town.

Dan thought he was this big though guy that could handle any thing, and me the all wise person that I thought I was, told him to stop using Vietnam as a crutch, how dumb was that.

He didn't like Dr. Martis at all because he would not sugar coat it. He told Dan one time either you commit yourself or I will do it for you. Then Dr. Martis explained it would be much harder for Dan to come home if the Doctor committed him. Dan did the right thing and signed in. Dan told some of his coworkers he had no reason to go on, he was picked up again and taken to the hospital.

If your husband has PTSD don't take any thing he says with out merit it, it may be the day you lose him.

What ever you faith is or even if you have none, makes no difference to me, I will be praying that you will be able to see the signs and protect the one you love.

Also please remember I am not telling you to stay if you are being abused. I hope you know the difference between an out burst and abuse. Hitting is never right, take care of yourself or you will never be able to take care of any one else.

Until next time I hope this has been some help.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you so much for sharing this...the quietness is so hard for me too...

    Hearing this helps alot more than I can say