"If Only" - The Heart of a Veteran's Wife

If only you cared enough to love me.
If only you cared enough to fight for us.
If only you cared enough to see my pain.
If only you cared enough to want happiness in our family.
If only you cared enough to hear my heart.
If only you cared enough to do what you need to and not what you want to.
If only you remembered how good we once were.
If only you cared enough to stand by your vows.
If only you cared enough to work towards us.
If only you cared enough to be kind.
If only you'd be tender.
If only you'd stop crushing me.
If only you'd stop hurting me.
If only you'd stop killing me.
My heart is broken and every time it starts to mend you break it again.
It takes a man to win this battle, to fight for his family, to stand with his wife.
It takes a man to do whatever it takes for the good of his sweetheart and child.
I wish this hurt and anger and overwhelming sadness would just go away.
I wish this wasn't my life - wasn't your life - wasn't our life.
Where are you and how do I call you back to me?
Why won't you fight? You fought for people half a world away, but you won't fight for me - you won't fight for us.
That makes me so mad at you but at the same time so overwhelmingly confused.
I don't understand why you act like you hate me.
I don't understand how you can be so cruel.
I don't understand why it seems like you like to hurt me.
I don't understand why you seem to need to put me down and break me.
I don't understand why you seem to need for me to be miserable.
I'm clawing with everything I can to hold this together.
But, I don't know how much longer I can.
I don't want to give up - I can still see us - I can still see you hiding behind this monster.
I can still see what was and what could be again.
I can still see glimpses of your heart.
I can still see glimpses of your love for me.
The fight is wearing me down.
The fight is defeating me.
I know I'm losing.
I know I'm losing.
Please God, help me.
Help me not lose.
Help me find a way to save us.
Help me find the strength to go another day.
Help me find a way to turn us back from the brink.
Husband, please hear me.
Dear one, please remember.
Sweetheart, please fight.
I need you.
I miss you.
I love you.