Saturday, March 7, 2009

True Confessions

I am a strong, Army wife. I say nothing to allow my husband to think I am hurting for one moment. I walk with my head high. I have to be strong, so others around me do not think I am weak. The Army has been so quick to say how strong military families are... but, are they really?

Am I really that "strong military wife" that lets nothing get her down?

Strong, yes... but sometimes I'm down.

Do I ever feel down?

Yes.

Am I ever sad?

Yes.

My husbands unit lost 28 soldiers at war, over 80 were injured. Many of the soldiers we lost were friends of ours. Many of whom would come to our house for bon-fires. They would call my husband, Dad and me... Mom.

Before they left for deployment, they hugged me and looked forward to having a cook out at our house.

My husbands deployment was difficult. There was not one day that went by that I was afraid that my husband would be killed.

Little did I know, my husband would come home from war with a Traumatic injury, with seizures, incontinence from nerve damage, PTSD and other health complications.

My best friends husband was killed in war, many of our good friends were killed. Many of our good friends have lost limbs.

There are days I curl up and cry.

There are days I wish I could go back in time, before experiencing all of the hurt and pain that war has caused.

Today, is one of those days.

I blink back tears of hurt, pain... I feel so weak. So empty and alone. I hurt for my husband and the horrific things I know he has seen.

I miss our friends.

I miss the way my husband could sleep at night. That's right. He no longer gets a full night sleep. He wakes up with nightmares... still, after a year.

I miss the way my kids were so carefree. Before they had to see their father injured. They wonder why he is not the same... it is because he was hurt in war.

The thing that hurts me most, is seeing combat soldiers not being cared for once they return home. At Fort Bragg, there have been numerous suicides from soldiers who were in combat. This is because they have felt alone. Felt as if they had no one to talk to.

I have seen first hand, soldiers crying out for help - and no one helping them.

If you don't believe me, look at the suicide statistics at Fort Bragg alone.

I can no longer sit silent as soldiers kill themselves.

I can no longer sit quite as I see soldiers not receiving care they need.

I AM an Army Wife... I am strong, and I will no longer stay silent.

We hurt, our husbands hurt... our soldiers hurt... I am no longer afraid to say it.

Sincerely,

A Wife Of An Injured Soldier

2 comments:

  1. Hi,
    I was a sufferer for a long time due to a serious car accident which nearly took my life. In our support group we had four returned soldiers or should I say 'Retrenched Soldiers' as they were serious sufferers and one of them was very suicidal. I was lucky to have been introduced to this terrific workbook. It is called My PTSD Workbook and I purchased it from http://www.treatptsd.com and I have to say I was feeling ‘different’ from the first ten pages. Today I HAVE MY LIFE BACK thanks to that book - now I tell everyone about it when they come to the support group. Three of the four soldiers in our group are feeling fabulous within themselves and one of the wifes is so thankful she now is councelling newcomers to the centre. She tells everyone to buy the book.
    I hope this may help yourself or others around you.
    PLEASE- Do Not Stay Silent.
    Keep up the good work.
    Barb

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  2. Patti, your candor was very touching. It calls to mind the phrase on the warrior hot-line magnet on my fridge "it takes the courage and strength of a warrior to ask for help"

    As an Army we are strong, and we are proud of our strength- but at the same time scared, damaged, and in need of support. Seek the help and support your family needs and I hope it can give to you a fraction of what your family has given to the service

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